August 30

Major accomplishments for today:

1.) Had several extra children over the house most of the day. Kept everyone fed, alive and relatively happy.

2.) Took a nap.

3.) Finally got Ruby's rainbow art up on the wall in her room, thus creating the "Rainbow Wall" we've been talking about forever.

That's about it. 

August 29

August 28

Today was a beautiful day in Cleveland. I smell fall in the air. The air show is in town for the holiday weekend, so the Blue Angels were flying overhead all day. Although I didn't take that picture, at one point they flew directly over our house and looked exactly like that. 

Toby was scared by the loud noise but missed the planes, so we spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for them to come back around but they didn't… We could hear them but didn't catch a good view of them again. He was putting his shoes on to go outside at one point, and he said, "Shhh, guys!! I hear the fairies! Do you hear them?"

Blue Angels. Fairies.

Tomato. Tom-ah-to.

Whatever, man. 

#sofunny

#healwayscracksmeup

August 27

August 26

Ugh, getting back into the swing of school is HARD… The kids always have a hard time adjusting to the schedule and the workload. Ruby gets emotional, and Clayton gets obstinate. It took him a couple HOURS to get through his homework tonight. I always forget that this happens, or more likely, I hope that we've outgrown this process. 

But I've realized a few things about him lately--what drives me nuts about him, habits I wish he would change or improve--it's ME. 

I see ME, and I don't like it. Funny how our children can be mirrors like that.

More on that and our new school routine later. I've been the Homework Police tonight, and I'm tired. It's a very taxing job. One I didn't apply for but received by default. Those are the hardest ones to do.

August 25

August 24: Toby's 4th Birthday Party!

Toby wanted a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, so that's what he got! :) He was so excited and everyone seemed to have a great time. He's such a smart, silly, funny boy, and I feel like he's been 4 forever already...

Batman cake, Batman presents, and a big boy bike and skateboard and tee ball set and more. He's one lucky guy, and not the only one who will be enjoying all those wonderful goodies, I'm sure. 

He was so funny in that ticket blowing machine--he got smart and just started picking the big ones up off the floor instead of trying to grab them out of the air. 4,000+ tickets to spend. Jackpot!

My day:

My claim to fame today: I ALMOST won the skeeball jackpot...

#sooooooooclose
#imoutofpractice
#didaprematurevictorydanceandeverything
#surehopenoonewaswatching


And also, I think I could make a hobby out of photo-bombing little kids on that one ride. lol

August 23: Happy Birthday, Toby!

August 22

We did, in fact, make it to school on time today. :)

August 21: Mother of the Year: First Day of School Edition

Have I mentioned before that I'm the Mother of the Year? I think I may have once or twice.

Now that I have that title, though, I need to make sure I do my darndest to live up to it, you know? Let me just tell you, it's hard work. Grueling, tedious, hard work on my part. And we all know how I feel about that working hard stuff.

I wanted to write this post today for all of you out there who have ever looked at me and thought, wow. I mean, just, WOW. She is so great. She's like, the best mom ever. Hence, Mother of the Year.

So let me just explain for a moment what the first day of school looks like when you're the Mother of the Year. We shall start at the beginning:

1. Be in complete denial that school is actually starting and prepare accordingly, including sleeping in until after 8am all summer.
2. Wait until the day before school to get school shoes for your daughter. Smile through clenched teeth as she picks out the most expensive pair, because all the cute "sale" shoes are practically nonexistent.
3. Tell your son that his shoes from last year are still good. But don't check the size or make sure they still fit before leaving the shoe store. Leave that to chance in the morning.
4. Assume that all their uniform clothes are in good condition and still fit, but don't bother to look at them or have the kids try them on. They have the adjustable waistbands, right? We can just let those suckers out if need be.
5. Have the children set out their uniforms the night before school. This is easy, as the uniforms are still sitting in a messy pile on top of the dresser from last school year because you never "packed them up" for the summer.
6. Pack their lunches the night before, even though the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches will get soggy. You only do this at your husbands request, as he knows your Mother of the Year tendencies in the morning. On your own, however, you wouldn't have bothered with such frivolities.
7. Finally fill out all the school forms the night before after the children have gone to bed. Lament over the fact that mothers have homework before school even starts and the fact that you don't have a glass of wine to sip while filling out said papers.
8. Don't include Emergency Medical Forms in the stack of papers to turn in because you misplaced them. In May. And also, you never scheduled a physical for the kids so the doctor's office could fill out the form. So even if you did find it, you still couldn't turn it in yet.
9. Stay up way too late watching mindless television so that you push the snooze button when your alarm goes off. Twice.
10. Even though you had lunches made already, clothes laid out the night before, and a sweet husband who made breakfast, you still manage to leave about 15 minutes late. But not before you grab your coffee mug and snap the obligatory "first day of school" photo. Priorities, you know.
11. The first day of school photo doesn't have any coordinating chalkboard signs or pictures with mom and dad or the family, however. That would've involved something they call "preparation" and "timeliness." It was more of a "quick stand by the door, now run to the car! We're late!" kind of picture.
12. Make sure to get completely stressed out as you're hurrying everyone to the car, like it's totally their fault you're leaving so late. Yell at your son who isn't buckled up yet.
13. Although you remembered the construction zone on the way to school, you didn't take into account the traffic jam it would create from the morning commute. That would just make too much sense. So you come to a standstill quite a ways from school. You need to be there in 4 minutes.
14. At this point, apologize to your children, as it's obvious that they are going to be late on their first day of school. Explain to them that it takes pure, raw talent to manage to be late on the first day of school, and that somewhere deep down, they should be very proud to have you as a mom.
15. Traffic turns into a detour situation, taking you even farther from the route to school. But never fear--you brought your coffee! You can sit and sip it peacefully while you maneuver through traffic.
16. Finally arrive at school and sign them in 10 minutes late. Although it doesn't escape you that you left your house 15 minutes late, mark TRAFFIC as the reason for tardiness. There was, in fact, TRAFFIC. Lots of traffic.
17. Promise your children as you are walking them to class that you will do better tomorrow, kiss and hug them, and send them on their way.
18. Breathe a sigh of relief. Not only did you succeed in getting them to school, but you managed to live up to your title in the process.

And after all that, I'm exhausted. Like I said, being Mother of the Year is hard work. 


Now, if you weren't able to live up to this unbelievably high standard on the first day of school, please, don't beat yourself up. Sometimes achieving Mother of the Year status happens overnight, and other times, it requires lots of hard work, time, and dedication to the cause.

So seriously, relax. You have the entire school year to get it right.


Here's to the pick-up lines, the homework routine, the earlier bedtimes, and all you other Mothers of the Year out there… and to better tomorrows.

*cheers*



And Happy First Day of School to ya.

If you are a Mother of Year as well or know someone who would enjoy this, pass it on!!

August 20: A Parenting Gem for You

I read in this lovely Rhinestone Jesus book today that when her children are disobedient or disrespectful, she sends them out to the yard… to pull weeds.

A. Genius!

B. Why didn't I think of that? Like, back in June?!?! I'd have the nicest flowerbeds on the block at this point. And besides, I HATE weeding and yard work. So, win win. For me.

C. Note to Self: Make mental list of all the other jobs you hate doing indoors for when the winter comes and you need a similar consequence. Or for when the weeds are gone. But as you can see from the picture above, it's going to be a while.



P.S. We've only been doing the weed thing for one day, and our front flowerbed is already picked clean. They've had to pick as many weeds as their age each time. Biggest ones first.


Score!




It was too good not to share. :)

August 19

August 18: 22 Minutes of Your Time + $22 a Month = 2 Children Fed, Clothed and Educated for 1 YEAR in Mathare Valley

I don't know about you, but I'm embarrassed to say that I had never even heard of Mathare Valley, a slum in Nairobi, Kenya, until recently. I had no idea such a place even existed. Maybe you're more worldly then I am, maybe you're more up to date on global issues. But I have a feeling that many of you haven't heard of it, either.

Mathare Valley is considered by many to be the poorest area in all of the world, second only to the slums in India and the garbage dumps in Mexico. About 700,000 people live in two square miles of space, with no running water, sewage system, or garbage collection. Police do not go into the slum, so the area is rampant with crime, drugs, and prostitution.

Much of the population is orphaned children, who have lost their parents to disease as there is no medical care and as many as 1 in 3 people are HIV positive. Entire families and their animals live in 6ft x 6ft metal shacks and only make $2/day at most, and much of that goes to pay for rent for the shack.

Most people born into the slum live there and die there. The video below shows a little of what life is like in the slum and also what a difference food and education make in breaking the cycle of poverty, giving the children of Mathare Valley a hope and a future.

By partnering with Moody Radio and Feed Their Future by September 1st, you can help save the life of a child who didn't ask to be born into such a place. 

For a one time donation of $136, you can feed, clothe and educate 1 child for a year and provide their teacher with benefits. 

For as little as $22/month, you can feed, clothe and educate 2 children for a year!!

$22 a month. 

That is a drop in the bucket for most people I know, but it would make a world of difference in the life of not one but TWO children.

Don't feel like you have an extra $22 a month? Look at it this way:

• Dinner out at Applebee's. 2 meals for $20 + water + tip = at least $22.
• Pizza night. 2 Large Pizzas for $20 + delivery fee and tip = at least $22
• Trip to the movie theater. 2 Tickets + popcorn and a soda = at least $22
• Manicure/pedicure = easily $22

Or look at it on a weekly basis: $5.50 a week:

• Eating out for lunch one day a week = at least $5.50
• Starbucks coffee + tip once a week = easily $5.50
• 24 pack of Soda or two 12 packs = easily $5.50
• A cheap bottle of wine = easily $5.50

I've been convicted lately that I need to care more about the needs of others and less about my wants. About how much my wants really control and dictate my thoughts and actions.

I could change nothing else about my life for an entire year except choose to get coffee from Starbucks once instead of twice each week, and I would be providing TWO children with a way out of poverty.

That has got to be worth the trade.

Do you think you can give up something that you want each week in order to provide for the need of ONE? 

For these children, it's not a matter of choosing between food that's organic or food that's conventionally grown. They have to choose between scavenging for food, eating whatever they can find among the garbage, and starvation. 

For these children, it's not a matter of deciding between private or public school. They have to choose between an education and being able to eat during the day.

There is no free lunch program. There is no government assistance.

If you can give up a small thing, one want, in your life each week, or each month, you can change the life of at least ONE child for an entire year. 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Maybe part of God's plan is to provide a hope and a future through YOU. 

At least think about it today, friends. And if this isn't your thing, then choose another. But choose something.

CHOOSE ONE.


Click HERE to find out more about Feed Their Future and to donate! 

Come on, Cleveland!! Please spread the word and share with your friends! Campaign ends September 1st!

August 17

August 15: #FirstWorldProblems: There's Nothing to Eat in This House + A Solution and Donation Opportunity!

I don't know about you, but sometimes in the days leading up to payday food is a little…sparse. It's not that we don't have money in the bank, it's just that the money left is often allocated for other things. I tend to blow through the food budget more quickly then I should and am usually left with a meager amount to work with the last week before payday comes around again.

So I opened up the refrigerator last night, and I panicked a little at the sight of the scanty food sitting inside. We were out of eggs, cereal, bread, oatmeal, and fruit. The bag of all-purpose flour contained an amount so insufficient as to even coat some chicken breasts.

What in the world are we going to eat for breakfast, let alone the rest of the day?? We have nothing to eat. There's no way this is going to work. We really need to run to the store.

And I wasn't the only one who noticed the shortage of sustenance in the house--a couple of the kids had already chimed in earlier that day about a needed trip to the store.

As I was standing in front of that open refrigerator door, worrying about what to feed everyone the next 24 hours, I heard the Lord break through the cosmos and gently whisper to me: There's plenty of food in your refrigerator. It's just not what you want to eat.

I feel like I've been learning a lot from the contents of my refrigerator lately. But that's totally and completely true. I was convicted in that moment as to how often I run out to the grocery store prematurely to satisfy mere wants instead of using what we already have in the house first and being satisfied with that. With only a day left before payday, I was convinced we needed to make it work.

So I shared my concerns with my husband, particularly about breakfast because I was at a loss, and told him about my conviction experience. He opened the pantry, saw the bag of brown rice and suggested rice pudding. We had two cups of milk left, a bag of rice, sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon. So he made the rice pudding that night and the kids had it for breakfast this morning. You would have thought it was Christmas morning!! They were so excited and couldn't stop talking about how good it was. It was a special treat and a fun memory of God providing in what we already had around the house.

We wouldn't have had that experience had we run out to the store for a box of cereal.


#FirstWorldProblem: I'm hungry, but not for any of the food in my house.

Oh look, there's even a meme that expresses my thoughts exactly… 

#FirstWorldSolution: Don't become a slave to your wants. Use what you already have in the house. If you're not going to use what's in your pantry, donate it to someone who will. Today.

How does it help the starving children around the world for me to eat what's already in my house instead of buying more?

That's an excellent question. I'm glad you asked.

It doesn't. Yet. 

But what this does do is put things in perspective. I can now see my pervasive desire to have more then my basic needs met. I'm living on an entirely different plane where I expect my wants to be met, as well. The result of this extends far beyond food. Sure, we have pantries full of food we never get around to eating, refrigerators full of leftovers and half-consumed jars of whatnot that eventually get tossed.

But we also have closets stuffed with clothes we don't wear and basements filled with things we don't use and garages that are so overflowing that we actually have a season in this country each year where we try to sell them. The whole garage. 

So no, it doesn't help the starving children in Africa right now. But what if we bought less food for ourselves and instead concentrated on using what we already had? What if we bought less stuff in general? That would inevitably free up money we didn't realize was there, which most definitely COULD feed at least one child. 

**If you'd like to put your money where your mouth is this month, here is a good local cause:

Feed Their Future
Feed Their Future is an opportunity for Bright Hope Allies to join with our partner in the Mathare Valley slum of Nairobi, Kenya to feed and educate 1,400 students, support their teachers, and promote sustainability initiatives. Campaign ends September 1st!!

• A one-time gift of $136 will feed and educate one child and provide her teacher with benefits for a year!
• For $22 a month you can help feed and educate two children and provide their teacher with benefits for an entire year!
• 3 Ways to Feed Their Future:
1. Donate Online or call 888-333-4978
2. Pray for the students in Mathare Valley, specifically for a way out of the slum and sustainable funding for the programs that support them.
3. Share Bright Hope’s Facebook posts on your social media sites to get others involved.

And if we all just fed one child… we could change the world, one life at a time. 

#FirstWorldSolutions

#BeTheChange

#ChooseOne

Please Share With Your Friends!

August 14

An absolutely perfect day for the Zoo. Have you been there since they put in the carousel? There's a little playground right by it constructed out of all things nature, & it's awesome!! Thickets and caves and beaver dams and streams of water and a wading pool and more. 

I would go to the zoo for no other reason then to sit in a woven wood rocking chair and sip my coffee and watch the kids play. Animals? What animals? 

August 13: How Do We Turn #FirstWorldProblems Into #FirstWorldSolutions?

Alright y'all. I figured I should probably take a little time and explain the rant about "First World Problems" yesterday. It all started with this book I've been reading called Rhinestone Jesus. If you haven't read it, you should really check it out. My comfortable little world has been deeply challenged so far.

And then I saw this on Facebook, back to back in the newsfeed:

I just sort of sat there in shock. I can't quite wrap my mind around this dichotomy. How does one seamlessly flow from children getting beheaded, mothers raped and fathers hung to getting your roots touched up? How can there be such a discrepancy in the world in which we live??


But there is, which is why we even have such a thing as #firstworldproblems.


And then I look at my own children. They always have their needs met, a roof over their head, and three {fairly} healthy meals a day plus snacks and desserts and treats. By the time the grandparents get done with them, they don't want for anything, either. They have so many toys that they can't keep them picked up off the floor and so many clothes that they can't keep them in their dresser. How do I reconcile this with the starving, malnourished, naked children across the ocean? Or even the dirty kids down the street in the same outfit from Monday?

One of the reasons I wanted my children to grow up in the city was so that they wouldn't grow up to be entitled, selfish Americans. So that they would rub shoulders with the homeless, feed the hungry, befriend the neighborhood kids who have it rough, and be able to see that life can be hard sometimes. See that they have been incredibly blessed and want to give to others and love them well.

The mistake that I've made so far is believing that simply living here is enough. That simply seeing is enough. That simply knowing is enough. That somehow, like osmosis, being around poverty and great need would produce selfless character qualities.


I was wrong.


The whining, complaining, bragging, stinginess, and boasting that comes from the mouths of my children will tell you that real quick. And my first reaction recently has been anger.

I'm angry at their ungratefulness. For how much they take for granted. For how they want to hoard what they have for themselves.

And then I remember that they are this way because that's exactly how I've raised them to be. They are a product of my values and my parenting. That was an unintentional consequence, certainly, but a consequence nonetheless.


Ouch.

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  Romans 12:1-2

I've also been challenged by this passage lately. There are so many things in our culture that we seamlessly flow with and do just because that's the way we've done it for as long as we can remember. But some of those things are so wrong. And not even wrong like the things in and of themselves are bad--getting a bunch of toys for your birthday, for instance. Sure, we want to love on and bless our kiddos on their birthday. But it's the quantity and extravagance that I question.


How can we justify having so many toys that they are coming out of our ears when there are other children who have nothing?


How many toys does one really need for their birthday? And how can we draw the line closer to need rather then want, and use the extra (money or toys) to bless someone else?


How enormous of a house does one really need? How nice of a car? How fancy of clothes? On a more personal note, how much Starbucks coffee does one really need?



I'm not looking to change the world, at least right away. ;) But I am looking to change the life of ONE. One person, one need, one step at a time. 


CHOOSE ONE. It's practical, manageable and within reach.


Because the problem doesn't exist between the people and the knowledge. We have plenty of knowledge. We have so much knowledge that it tends to spew out of us. The problem exists between the knowledge and the action. The doing. Call it another #firstworldproblem.


I'd like to figure out how to turn #firstworldproblems into #firstworldsolutions. I'm going to see if I can practically flip some common First World Problems around for the greater good by challenging the cultural norms. To let go of some wants in order to bridge the gap between first world convenience and third world reality. To put others above ourselves and start to even the playing field.


Forget the whole I Am Second thing. We really need to be third. God, others, then ourselves.


I need to do this for myself. I need to do this for my children. And we need to do this for our family. Because there's got to be a better way to live, both here and around the world.


Stay tuned.




From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.  Luke 12:48b

August 12: The Dark Side of "First World Problems"

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My

Favourite Winter Coat

This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind

I See The Kids In The Street,

With Not Enough To Eat

Who Am I, To Be Blind?

Pretending Not To See

Their Needs

A Summer's Disregard,

A Broken Bottle Top

And A One Man's Soul

They Follow Each Other On

The Wind Ya' Know

'Cause They Got Nowhere

To Go

That's Why I Want You To

Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson

Ok, so you can say a lot of things about Michael Jackson, but he was spot on with this one. Ever hear a song a million times and never really stop and listen to it? Really listen to the words and think about what they have to say?

Ever drive down the street and really stop to look at the homeless man on the corner? Ever see the commercials with the malnourished, orphaned children and look away? Do you really see the elderly neighbor who can't keep up with his house anymore, or the family down the road who struggles to make ends meet? Or the woman without hair, in a quiet war for her very life against disease, who can hardly manage to get out of bed every morning? Do you see them?

It's so easy to hear but not really listen and to look but not really see. It's so easy to walk on by. It's so easy to not look past the bridge of our own noses, past the comfortable American Dream, to see anyone else's need. Anyone else's pain. It's easy to live near-sighted, completely absorbed with our own stuff. 

Here are a few of the billions of results from a quick search of #firstworldproblems on Twitter:

I hate it when #bravo has first parts of real housewives reunions at one time and then the final part at an earlier one #firstworldproblems

There is currently a sign on Chipotle's door that says they are out of cheese. Seriously? What is the world coming to? #FirstWorldProblems

Can this lightning stop? Want to plug my laptop in, If power won't surge. #FirstWorldProblems

i hate sitting at the fridge waiting for my water bottle to fill up #firstworldproblems

I just finished the finale of my TV show and now I feel empty inside. #firstworldproblems

I'm tired of eating... I had too much food today #firstworldproblems

I hate not knowing how much salt I'm putting on my food #firstworldproblems

My husband just bought me a new HTC smartphone & it's causing me anxiety because I don't like change #firstworldproblems

Your phone getting below 10% has to be one of the most stressful things in life #firstworldproblems

Both sides of my pillow are warm. #firstworldproblems

Those huge ass TVs they are giving away at work makes me come home and resent my normal sized one. I need one! #firstworldproblems

My xbox controller died :( good thing I have a kinect. Lol. #firstworldproblems

"LOL"

As a culture, we think that this is funny. And we laugh. I'm sure I did at one point, too. But anymore this all just makes me sick. The only #firstworldproblems I can see here are those of gluttony, ignorance, entitlement, and greed.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what does this one say to you?

You guys, we have no clue. No clue as to what some people in this world are going through.


What people in third world countries wouldn't give for fresh, clean water out of a faucet!! Water that they didn't have to walk 7 miles to retrieve in a yellow jug and carry back on their head. Water that isn't contaminated with human waste and parasites, yet they have no choice but to drink it. 

And too much food? Each year, 2.6 million children die as a result of hunger-related causes. That's about 1 child every 10 seconds. Think about that next time you're standing at the fridge waiting the ten seconds for your water bottle to fill up.

With everything going on in the world today, we need to wake up from this American Dream. I know that it's so easy to turn a blind eye, to look but not really see. I've done it myself for so long. The world with all it's endless needs can be so overwhelming. What could one little person do?

CHOOSE ONE.

Choose one. One person, one need, one cause. 

One life. 

And start today. Start across the street or across the globe. Start somewhere.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?  Matthew 16:24-26

God didn't call you to pick up all the crosses and carry them all the way all the time. He called you to pick up ONE cross. YOUR cross, and follow Him, one step at a time. It will take you out of your comfort zone. It will be hard. It will involve sacrifice. Maybe even pain. But when you lose your very life for Him, that's when you will find it.

As it turns out, easy, comfortable obedience really isn't obedience at all. It's time we all took a good, long look at the man in the mirror.

If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

SHARE this with your friends!

August 11: Hope for the Crappy Christian, and Everyone Else

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."

~Robin Williams, Dead Poets Society

In the days since I posted Confessions of a Crappy Christian, I have found a new sense of hope, renewal, and peace. There is something to writing things out. To letting them go. To seeing them in front of you in black and white.


They become real.


Words have power, and God can use them in powerful ways, even in the life of the one who penned them. I've always been a visual learner who enjoys the academic process, and once I learn something I'm excited about it's a natural tendency to want to share it with others. It's a completely unnatural tendency for me to want to share the hard things I learn about myself. But I have found that to be the most helpful part in healing and moving on--the sharing and speaking of the shameful things, the difficult things, the deep struggles.

I've cried, a lot. Because when you see it there, in black and white, the reality can finally sink in. You can see it for what it is. What you've been trying so hard for so long to run from, hide from, ignore or suppress has finally bubbled to the surface. To overflowing. And it's out there.

And you find that this scary thing, this terrifying secret you've been holding onto, had become like the monster in the closet. The wolf under the bed. The alligator in the toilet. Tip-toeing around the secret has become so normal you're afraid to get up and move or leave the room that is your stagnant life. For so long you've been afraid to really live because of a fear that is so completely irrational. And when you finally turn the light on, you can see for yourself that there's nothing really there.

It was all...in your head. Stuck there. Imagine that.


Once the light is on, you can finally see God clearly again, putting everything back in perspective. And He reminds you, in His gentle and graceful way, that you never had to take on such a burden in the first place. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Living in freedom feels so much better then being stuck behind the door of shame.

Now that you've outed this struggle, God can begin His redemption. He will bridge the gap between where you are and where He wants you to be, and all He needs is your cooperation. There will be hard work and and sacrifice involved, but He will order your steps and provide for your needs. And you don't need to do a thing except say YES to God each step of the way.

August 10

August 9

August 8

August 7

August 6: Confessions of a Crappy Christian

Do Christians say crappy? I guess I just did.


It all started when I felt The Lord prompting me to talk about obedience.

Obedience, y'all. The thing that I demand from my children on a regular basis with only moderate success. I should've known I was in for a ride.

When you start peeling back the many delicate layers of the onion that is obedience, you find that, underneath time, below money, and beneath the service layers, you eventually get down to the core--what's in your heart. Sometimes it's contents are surprising, even to the most steadfast believers.

I've thought many times about uttering this struggle, whispering the hard truths into the still of the night, but I couldn't seem to let the words slip out. They got caught on the massive lump forming in my throat, bound tightly to my insides by thick strands of guilt and failure. 

Even now as I begin to cut them loose and let them fall freely onto the page, my eyes well with tears, my heart with shame. When I opened the kids devotional book to read from it at lunch and saw the verse for the day, I knew. It was time.

Fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Romans 12:2 (MSG)

I didn't actually read the devotional book to the kids at lunch, as they had all already left the table. But it still broke my heart in two, so I suppose it served it's purpose. I do really well with family devotions sometimes, and then I'll open it up to find that the last time we read one was in March, and it's now August... First confession.

And then there's my devotions. I've never succeeded in surpassing 20% completion of my bible reading plan on my phone at any one time during the course of the year, thanks to my love/hate relationship with the "Catch Me Up" feature. If we were to judge by that alone, it means that out of 7 days in a week, I read my bible about 1.4 days. It's not even a crazy read-the-whole-bible-in-a-year-plan, either, which, by the way, is also something I've never done. It's a chapter a day at most, alternating between the Old and New Testaments, and yet, only about 1.4 days a week do I get around to it.

I don't only read the bible on my phone or exclusively for that plan, but even though there's other reading going on in there, I won't try to make the severe deficient look better for my sake. Surely, I want to. But I won't.

Now onto prayer, as this all hasn't quite been embarrassing enough. When I was a young mom, I survived on prayer because I didn't have time for anything else, or I felt like I didn't. But something happened along the way and now prayer is a struggle for me. I've gotten out of the habit, and when I have time to think and reflect, I usually choose to do other things like ponder concepts or write or check Facebook. 

Mini-collage assembled and posted online with witty commentary and life lessons learned? Check.

Time spent talking to the God of the Universe? Anyone? Anyone??

I know that prayer changes lives and hearts and connects us to the living God, that nothing good in this world is accomplished without prayer from someone somewhere, but I rarely steal away time to sit at His feet. I don't often pray for my children. I don't often pray for my husband. I don't often pray for friends, family, or the world with its endless troubles and unmet needs. 

Reality seems more harsh when it appears in black and white. And yet there it is.


I've had this chronic problem since I became a Christian over a decade ago. Really, I've had this problem my entire life, but it only became an issue when I gave my life to Christ. The problem is: MYSELF. 

And because I've had this problem my entire life, at this point in time, after 30+ years, I mean 29 years, it's quite a BIG problem. You're talking to a girl who incessantly pushes the snooze button in the morning, who is always late, whose house is a mess, who doesn't exercise or like anything that remotely requires hard work or stick-to-it-ness. It's a real quality. And I don't have it. Unless something comes easily or naturally to me, I don't do it.

I spend so much time on this problem of MYSELF that it has become my focus: what is God going to do with MY life? What has He called ME to do? I know He has something great in store for ME, but how is He going to do it? When? How can I make it happen now? If I can just think of the next great idea, write the next bestselling book…

Your real, new self will not come as long as you are looking for it. 

It will come when you are looking for Him. 

~C.S. Lewis

So the only solution I can see to this problem of MYSELF is to have less of it. Less of myself and more of Him. Fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. No more pining, no more plotting, no more taking matters into my own hands. He doesn't want my time or my money or even my service more then He wants my heart.

I know He loves me just as much now as He ever will, and that because of Him I am enough, but I also know that He has great plans in store that involve making me new. God-sized plans and God-sized dreams. Dreams that will only be birthed through the hard work of discipline, the pain of death and the complete and continual surrender of MYSELF. There's a gap between where He wants me to go and where I currently am, and the only way to bridge that gap is with Him. More of Him, less of me.

I long to inspire and encourage women, to show that the Almighty God of the universe can work through any one of us, no matter our qualifications or history, with just a simple YES, a step of obedience in faith. That He created you exactly as you are with everything you need to accomplish His purpose for you. That He longs for you to be free and live abundantly for Him. But I have to do the hard work myself first. I have to live it before I can teach it. I have to model it before I can encourage it. I have to walk through it before I can lead.

That’s why my cup is running over. This is the assigned moment for him to move into the center, 

while I slip off to the sidelines. John 3:29-30 (MSG)

I wanted to share this because I don't think I'm alone. I hope that as stigmas continue to change in the church, we would all be more free to be on the outside who we truly are on the inside. That it would be okay, even encouraged, to speak about all kinds of struggles, including and especially struggles in our walk as a Christian. We can only encourage each other as far as the honesty reaches, and I hope my honesty was able to reach out and help someone else today.

P.S. I know we aren't focusing on ME anymore, really we're not, but Confessions of a Crappy Christian--that would make an awesome book title, no?? See, I can't even help myself. But I'm not pining or plotting. I'm not.

Seriously.






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August 5: Sorry Is Only a Word. It Can't Wipe the Tears Away.

Eva was playing outside with the big kids and wiped out, getting a bloody nose in the process.
It eventually stopped and she's as good as new. Poor lady...

Ya'll, today I just suck. There's no way around it.

Did you hear the ranting, raving lunatic and the crying children tonight? Ya, that was me. 

I need a timecard so that I can just punch out when it all gets to be too much and I'm beside myself. Because then I'm no good and make everyone else beside themselves, too. If only it worked that way sometimes. I think it's called a "babysitter" or something. I didn't have one of those tonight…. 

It's funny how we can go out of our way to show kindness to the neighbor down the street who lost power for the day, but when it comes to loving and blessing the people under our own roof, it can just be so hard some days. There's a paradox for you. Why is that? Why do we hurt the people that we love the most? 

I always swore I wouldn't be that kind of mom. The kind that wounds her kids with angry words that hurt. Words that remain long past the time they were spoken. Words that cut deep, words that tear down the delicate souls of those whose goal in life is to please you. Those who desperately want you to be slow to anger and abounding in love, like God. 

I long to be that. My prayer is to be that. But I wasn't today. And I know sorry doesn't take it back, but it's all I can say. Sorry is only a word, though. It can't wipe the tears away.

Deep down I'm afraid that my kids will look at this mess of a life, this mess of a mom, and wonder who this Jesus really is and if He's worth following at all, if I'm going to treat them like this some days. If this Jesus really is who He says He is, why does she hurt us so? Why hasn't He patched up the wounds on my angry heart, sealing them up once and for all so it can't keep spilling out all over them, again?

This life is a journey, and motherhood is, too. They wouldn't call sanctification "progressive" if it happened overnight, and I wouldn't be human if I didn't experience this plight. This tug between the prayer and the reality, the now and the not yet, the offense and the apology. Sorry is just a word, but I pray that it's the repentance they'll see. And the repentance, over time, will become my reality.

August 4: Things I Learned Today: Caterpillars, Semantics & More...

1.)  The fuzzy yellow caterpillars the kids had yesterday?? Ya, DON'T TOUCH THEM. 

They are American Dagger Moth Caterpillars, and although they are pretty, their little hairs are toxic and cause very itchy, red welts. Who knew. Ruby's hand is swollen and sore. I should've Googled it. But now you know, so just look, don't touch.

2.)  Swinging on that porch swing with the kids is one of the most peaceful places in the world. The gentle breeze across my face as I sway back and forth carries all my worries away. I just sit and snuggle my babies, watching the world go by.

3.)  Clayton got in trouble this morning before we left for lunch, and I told him to sit on a chair at the kitchen table and not get up until we were ready to leave. I went upstairs to get dressed and brush my teeth. Not more then a few minutes later, I heard him upstairs with the rest of the kids, laughing and carrying on. I clenched my teeth, finished throwing some clothes on, and opened the bedroom door, saying, "what consequence do you need now because you weren't able to listen?" 

And this is how I found him. He replied that I told him to sit in the chair until it was time to leave, and that's exactly what he was doing. 

This is what I'm up against, you guys. A semantic genius. I apparently need to choose my words Very. Carefully. Lest they be used against me. I covet your prayers.