October 31: Trick-or-Treat

Ya... That's the best picture I could get. Too many crazy moving parts. #classic

My costume was the ever popular "Mom in a Downpour." And I rocked it. 

Trick-or-treating in the rain. Good times. That's what you call commitment. #winning

October 30: Dear Ruby

Ruby was the MVP in her class at school this week, so she got to share all about herself. Her little "All About Me Tee" turned out so cute, and her favorite song is "Let It Go," of course. She will also be Elsa for Halloween tomorrow. Elsa's her favorite princess because she loves her dress. She also chose the best "subjects" in school as her favorite, too. :)

Parents get to send in a letter that the teacher reads to them during class, and this is what we sent:

Dear Ruby,

“It’s a girl!” They told us. We were excited it was true.

Five days late, couldn’t wait to finally get to meet you.

Our little girl, a precious jewel, you were so very tiny.

Head held high, big black eyes, open wide and shiny.

Scrawny chicken legs, only six pounds and some change

Though the smallest of our babes, our lives you rearranged.

With two little ones now at home, life was very full.

Needs to meet, tears to dry, and momma felt the pull.

I soaked up all the moments and memories of those days

I loved to watch you grow and be with you always.

Squishy cheeks, the sweetest smile, loved her momma so

Screamed, cried and clawed the help when momma had to go!

That too did pass; you got big and did things on your own

You’d say, “Ruby do by Ruby self,” seeming oh so grown.

Before my eyes a girl appeared who resembled a lot of me

She loves long hair and Starbucks and shopping to a T.

You have the sweetest spirit, the most caring little heart

You love your baby sister, music class, friends and art.

We see you work so hard to please, to do all things well

Please know, no matter what, we’ll always think you’re swell.

There’s nothing you could do or say or even think about

That could make us love you any less, of that there is no doubt.

We’re so very proud of you, our sweet and precious girl.

You’re smart and kind and brave, with a fashionable twirl.

God will do great things through you, this we know for sure.

We are blessed to walk beside you through life’s adventures.

We love you more then words or hugs could ever say,

And we thank God we get to keep you for another day.

Love Mom and Dad

If you remember right around this time last year there was a Dear Clayton post. Time flies.

October 29

October 28: She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain

They were cracking up after school today singing, "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain." 

What was so funny, you ask? 

Because it's not reeeeallly that funny of a song… Good point.

But if you change the lyrics to things like, "She'll be glued to the toilet when she comes! SHE'LL BE GLUED TO THE TOILET WHEN SHE COOOOOMMMES!!" And belt it out in your very best hillbilly voice, it's pretty freakin' hysterical. Especially when you're 7 and have an audience.

I may or not have been laughing, too, and contributing my own delinquent verses, like "she'll be pooping on the potty when she comes…" #motheroftheyear

And "the kids be driven' mommy crazy when they home!!! THE KIDS BE DRIVEN MOMMY CRAZY WHEN THEY HOME!!!!"

#citytalk. It gets the best of all of us from time to time. We be all cray cray up in here. ;)

October 27

October 26: Dad's Birthday

October 24: Grace to Parent One More Day

Today was a gorgeous day to walk around at the Zoo. The leaves sprinkled the paths like confetti with colors of orange, red, yellow, and brown. The shade was quite chilly, but the sun made up for it with it's penetrating warmth. Vultures basked in the golden rays and and zebras swished the last of the buzzing insects away with their tufty tails.

And I was frustrated.

Just mildly. It simmered subtly below the surface, as it seems to many days when the children are home from school.

I wish it wasn't there. Some days I don't even notice it's there until after lunch, but then it rears it's sneaky head when the children refuse to lay down for a nap and cut into "my time." Other days it's present before my feet even hit the floor in the morning, because I can hear little hands getting into the sugar and sprinkles and ice cream downstairs. Frustration is acutely aware that they're not allowed to do that.

Deep down, frustration is there because I'm scared. I'm afraid that even though I tell him 1,000,000 times that "sugar is not breakfast," he will never learn. I'm afraid that I will spend a better part of my lifetime correcting and disciplining and encouraging and teaching and nothing will come of it. That I'll say "stay off of that" and "don't climb on that" and "don't you dare ever jump in there with the lions  again" and they will never really get it.

That I'll just spin my wheels until I'm exhausted and blue in the face. Or until there's blue all over the carpet because the dog stepped in the artwork and tracked his very blue feet step by little furry step all around the house.

And some days I do. Spin my wheels, that is.

I want someone to just tell me that it's worth it. That all the words, all the disciplining, all the painful, agonizing repetition will pay off. Someday. Preferably sooner then later.

That when we go to the zoo, someday, I won't have to tell the children not to jump on this and climb on that and stay away from the wild animals. Especially the ones that could eat them.

But I suppose it's not just them. I'm still figuring it out, too. I'm still doing it wrong, learning from my mistakes, and doing better next time. Sometimes. Although I know that I need grace, I often struggle to extend it to the kids. I feel they should know better by now. I'm sick of telling them. I hate that parenting can seem like a black hole--most days I pour out my everything, only for it to be sucked into a bottomless vortex, never to be seen again.

We didn't fail! We just discovered another way of doing it wrong. Plus, this is the closest I've come to [getting it right].  Annedroid

It would be nice if we were just "transformed" and didn't have to wade through the messy process of failure. But in the living lies the learning, and failure begets wisdom. I guess most of life is about discovering all the ways of doing it wrong, and by God's grace, eventually getting it right.

Once we realize that all we are, all we have, and all we're able to do is by His grace and His grace alone, it becomes much easier to give some of that amazing grace away. Grace to parent one more day.

October 23

Toby's preschool fall festival. :)

October 22: #NailedIt: How to Treat Adrenal Fatigue, A Mother's Perspective

Nailed it. 

I read this article today about Adrenal Fatigue. I don't know why I continue to click on and read such articles. I must have a death-by-health-anxiety wish or something.

Apparently most people have some degree of adrenal fatigue, which is ultimately caused by stress. So to cure the fatigue, you need to deal with the stress. Here's what the article suggested:


1. Go to bed at the same time every night (preferably before 10 pm) and get 8 hours of sleep.

I probably fell asleep around midnight and my alarm went off before 7am, as usual. Maybe if I let Common Core help me with math I could somehow get that to equal 8 hours.

2. Learn to say NO when you have reached your limit. 

I say NO a million times a day, often in conjunction with "I've had ENOUGH!", thus signifying that I've indeed reached my limit. I don't find that it helps.

3. Do something relaxing every day (warm bath, walk in the park, etc.). 

Naptime. Nuff said. Check.

4. Don’t over-exercise. If you’re fatigued after your workout, you might want to scale down. 

I'd like you to introduce you to my Jillian Michaels workout DVD. We have a complicated relationship. I got it about two years ago in January when I decided I needed to start working out. It remained in a drawer with the cellophane wrapper intact for about a year. I then decided I really should start working out, so I took the wrapper off. Now another year has passed, and although I've never actually even watched the DVD, let alone exercised to it, the disc is somehow missing. Maybe my wobbly bits and I will finally start working out when I find it. Yep, I'm sure we will.

5. Eat a protein-rich breakfast before 10 am. 

Pepperoni and sausage at 10:32am. Check.

6. Consume fruit with a source of protein (nuts or nut butters). 

I heard fruit and butter. Apple crisp = consuming fruit with butter. Check.

7. Avoid alcohol, sugar, gluten and dairy (toxic and inflammatory foods).

The only way I can drink this sweet nectar of sanity is to add the aforementioned sugar and dairy, so they will have to pry it from my cold, dead fingers when I die of adrenal failure. If that's a thing. Please also refer to exhibits 5 and 6.

8. Consider supplementation (adaptogenic herbs, B vitamins).

When I cleaned off my nightstand earlier this week, I brushed a rather thick coat of dust off my bottle of vitamins. But the wine glass? Not a speck. Take that #7.

So as you can see, I'm a rockstar at dealing with stress. #NailedIt

It's a good thing I don't actually suffer from adrenal fatigue. Or do I…


*yawn*


Then again, I think everything I suffer from can be summed up in one word: MOTHERHOOD.



P.S. I bet you're totally yawning right now. It's ok. That actually means you're not a serial killer, which is a good thing. The less serial killers that read my blog, the better, you know? But have you ever considered that you might suffer from adrenal fatigue? I hear that there's a list of things you can do to better manage your stress…

October 21

October 20

October 19

Clayton thoughtfully wrapped up a present for an elderly lady at church today. It was his idea from start to finish. I love his sweet and thoughtful heart, and I'm pretty sure it made her day. 

October 18

October 17: You Can't Do it All

Clayton knew at the beginning of the week that he had passed his spelling pretest, and sure enough, he did!! It was the first time for him, and he was so excited. I was too!!!!!!!

Never you mind that most of the words are three letter abbreviations, y'all. IT STILL COUNTS. It still very much counts. 

#winning

And also, I was busy this evening preparing for Women's Breakfast tomorrow, so basically nothing else got done. Just in case you were thinking for some reason that I have it all together and can do all the great things wonderfully and simultaneously. That is my disaster of a house after the kids "picked up," and those are my children, playing quietly outside with a dead snake while I finished preparing my notes.

Yep. A dead snake. They were dissecting it or something. With sticks. And the neighbor girls. I'm sure their parents will let them come back soon.

What did I say when I checked outside and saw them? Make sure you wash your hands when you're done.

And then I may or may not have remembered to follow up on that. 

#motheroftheyear

#winning

October 16: One Reason That Article with 10 Tips Won't Change Your Life

I've noticed a trend of list-making in articles lately, and maybe it's that kind of catchy title that enables such frequent sharing.


5 Things You Need to Know Before ___________.

10 Signs You May Have a ______________.

7 Things I Want My Children to Know About ____________.

The 5 Habits Every ____________.

3 Quick Fixes for ____________.


Now, I'll admit that I've been tempted to jump on that bandwagon. It's nice and neat and organized to sum a topic up that way. The article is to the point and gets the point across. We love to package our lives and our problems up in that fashion, don't we? We are the self-help generation. Information junkies. We study at the school of Google Search and have our Web-MD degrees.

My guess is that most of you, especially you health professionals, hypochondriacs, and germaphobes, have read every article on Ebola that you could get your fingers on recently. And you feel better now after having consumed all that information, right? Not unlike junk food, too much information {or the wrong kind} can make us sick, and we begin showing symptoms of worry, anxiety, and fear.

Oh, how we would love it to be so simple: knowledge = enlightenment = a changed man, or woman. Assembling life in a neat little equation. If only I read that article about the 10 Reasons to Keep Your House Clean and my character was instantly transformed into that of a domestic goddess who never struggled with a messy house again.

Are those articles helpful? Sure.

Informative and full of good ideas? Yes.

Even fun to read? Of course.

But life-changing? Transformational?


NO.


Because the problem doesn't lie in our mind. It's not about our lack of knowledge or desire to do better. We do know and we want to live as we know we should, as a mother, a wife, and yet, we don't. At least not consistently. Maybe there are some skills we need to learn, but even that won't fix the problem.


Because the problem is in our heart.


It's more then just knowing. It's more then knowing and doing. It's about a change of heart. A change of character. A change deeper then the surface bandaids provided by "10 Ways to a Better You." Because those bandaids eventually lose their adhesive and start to come off. And then it's hard to cover up the fact that the real you hasn't really changed after all.

There's only One that has the power to radically change hearts and lives. And it's only when you spend time on your knees with the One True God in the One True Word that your one heart will be truly changed. 

Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. {Romans 12:2 MSG}

YOU will be truly changed. Your mind transformed. Your heart redeemed and renewed from the inside out.

October 15

October 14: Oh, to be in the Autumn of Life

Sometimes I like to fancy myself a photographer. Sometimes a writer. A dreamer. An encourager.

Maybe I'm all of those things. Maybe I'm none of those things. Maybe I'm somewhere in between.

Photographer or not, I can look at those trees and say they are simply gorgeous. It doesn't take a good photographer to make them appear so--they just are. Fall is the season when many trees are at the height of glory. 

But the road to such brilliance is not an easy one to travel. After all, it begins with death. Looking like mere skeletons, the trees must endure a harsh winter. A stripping away. A falling down. A covering of snow and ice. The sheer weight of the wet cold, pressing down on them.

And yet, they survive those freezing and barren conditions. They have persevered. Stood the test of time and proven faithful. Since the old is gone, the new will come. New life. The sun shines on the new leaves, bright green with life, and the lovely, fragrant flower buds. The refreshing aroma of redemption.

The color of green deepens as the leaves mature. Did you know that autumn means, "a time of full maturity"? From the moment they first sprout out of the branches, the leaves on the tree are tirelessly working towards this goal. Preparing for it. Wind and rain, blazing sunlight, and even the first frost don't deter them. In fact, it's the frost that ultimately prompts the most drastic color change to occur.

They keep pressing forward until their glory is revealed, glory that points right back to the God who created them. Who put them in place to shine for Him, so that all the world could see and know that He is God. And there is nothing more beautiful, more inspiring, then watching one of God's creations do what they do best, what they were created to do: shine brilliantly for Him in the autumn of their life. 

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. {James 1:4}

October 13: Progress is Progress, No Matter How Small

Today I deleted 209 pictures from my phone that Eva took...this morning. 

And also, I managed to clean off and dust two surfaces in the living room that have been cluttered for a loooong time. 

Information on the exact amount of time said clutter lived on those surfaces is being withheld out of respect for the cleaning lady. I wouldn't want to give anyone the impression that she's not good at her job. 

Progress is progress, no matter how small though, ay? I think Dr. Seuss said that. If not, he should have. 

And one more time, because the little square above didn't do it justice...

Happy Fall. :)

October 12

Ya, that's all I got for today. Sorry. But at least I got the important things: the Bible and communicable disease updates. And also: no profound thoughts today. Just random thoughts.

I have enjoyed observing lately how "city kids" in our neighborhood talk verses how I talked growing up in the country. Now, I know I'm about 20+ years removed from these kids, but I still find it humorous. 

For instance, my son says, "daaaaaaaaang, guuuuuuurrrl." With all the proper emphasis. To me.

Ya, they are city kids, through and through.

And in the privacy of my own mind, especially with all the extra children from the neighborhood that end up in our yard and drive me crazy on a daily basis, I secretly like to make fun of them for their "city talk." 

Take this gem of a conversation, for example, that happened just the other day:

Child: Miss Jacqui! Your son is cutting off his installation!  

Me: Silence 

Child: Miss Jacqui!!!!!!!! 

Me: {fumbles to respond} Um... I don't even know what that means... 

Child: You know when you tie something around you real tight & they have to cut it off? 

Me: You mean circulation. 

Child: Ya! That.

#citykidproblems 

#englishlanguageproblems

#itwouldbeironicifimisspelledthatone

#orthatone

And the laughing is all in good fun, folks. I really do love these kids. Most of the time. 

As a P.S., as opposed to me just rambling on about whatever random thoughts cross my mind, is there anything that you, the audience, would like to see me write more about? Just curious. If you have any thoughts or feedback, kindly put them in the comments, even anonymously. 

Thanks!

October 11: The Best Whole Wheat Pumpkin Bread with Chocolate Chips

I know that "the best" may seem like a prideful exaggeration, but trust me, it really is THE BEST. And if you don't believe me, take it from my pickiest eater child, who exclaimed:

"Oh man!! Mom!! This is awesome!!"


So, put this yumminess in the oven to warm up your house on a crisp, chilly day, like today! I promise, if autumn had a taste, this would be it!


Note: The amount of pumpkin in this recipe will create a little bit of gooeyness on the bottom of the loaf due to some settling, which I happen to love! What is "pumpkin" bread without a lot of pumpkin, after all? If you don't, just use less pumpkin.

The Best Whole Wheat Pumpkin Bread with Chocolate Chips

{makes 1 9x5 inch loaf}

2 eggs, beaten

1/3 cup whole milk

1/2 cup coconut oil, melted {or one stick butter}

1 15 oz. can pumpkin

1/2 cup pure maple syrup

1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon each of ground cloves, allspice, ginger, & nutmeg

{or sub 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice}

1/2 cup milk chocolate chips, optional

{but seriously, is chocolate ever really optional??}

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Coat your loaf pan with coconut oil or butter, whichever you prefer. Combine all the wet ingredients. Combine the ingredients in a single bowl in the order they're mentioned--no wet, dry, folding, mixing nonsense. Then stir in the chocolate chips. The batter will be thick, so after you scrape it into the loaf pan, level out the top with a spatula. Bake for 1 hour and 30 minutes or until center is cooked through. Let cool about ten minutes before removing from the pan.

For less fat content, you can substitute applesauce for the coconut oil/butter. And note that, as with all whole/real food recipes, it's best to use organic ingredients as much as possible.

Enjoy!

And use the Pinterest button below to save it for later.

October 10: A Peaceful Protest Against the Unrealistic Cultural Expectations of Motherhood

Today I participated in a sit-in, or rather, a sit-down in this case. I occupied the couch in my living room for most of the day in protest of the unrealistic cultural expectations placed on us as mothers.

My littles were feeling under the weather, and I was pleased at all the kid shows that were available on AmazonPrime--7 seasons of Curious George, a new season of Sesame Street, Wild Kratts, and more--so on the couch we sat. 

We sat in protest of the toys all over the floor that didn't get picked up and put away by lunchtime. We sat in protest of the two hampers of laundry across the room that taunted me and beckoned me to fold them. 

We sat. Together.

And we snuggled on the couch. And I smelled her soft hair and rubbed her sweet belly and whispered a quiet "I love you" in her ear. And we kicked a beach ball in the house and we read books and we played Legos on the floor.

I sat in protest of the organization guru's and the "clean mama's" who, simply by the photos of their pristine homes and tidy cupboards, can easily make you think that you are less then if your house isn't as clean and put together. All. The. Time. If I take a photo in which the surrounding area looks tidy, it's because I shoved all the crap out of the little square of space that's visible in the camera viewfinder. 

I sat and didn't bother glancing at the kitchen floor that hasn't been mopped in a year. And I stacked today's mail on top of yesterday's, which was still on the counter. The counter that probably hasn't been wiped off. 

I sat in protest of the healthy eating mommy armies, which make you think that if you provide anything less then a sandwich in the shape of an autumn leaf, made out of homemade, grain-free bread that you got up at 4am to put in the oven and homemade jam you canned from berries from your backyard garden this summer and almond butter you whipped up in your food processor {because it's so much cheaper then buying it at the store}, and organic apples and raw milk cheese cut into festive fall shapes with mini cookie-cutters and a Trader Joe's something-or-other-healthier-option-dessert… that you are a terrible mother and have failed miserably. 

I sat because some days it just takes too much effort to cut up a non-organic apple to go with a traditional, no-bells-and-whistles, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. On regular bread. And that's ok.

I sat in protest of being busy for the sake of being busy. That your value is found in productivity.

I sat in protest of defining your worth by how well you are keeping up with the Pinterest Generation. 

I sat in protest of Facebook culture that tells us that our lives have to be boast-worthy and enviable and together at all times…because everyone else is, right?

I sat because…living a normal, messy, chaotic, frustrating, joyful, beautiful, mundane life…is okay. 

We want to run from the mess, hide the mess, pretend it's not there, or shove it into the closet and pray that no one opens the door when company is over. But God wants us to invite Him into the mess, because He will be glorified there. 

The mess is okay because my value isn't found there. It's not what I do or how well I do it or even who thinks I'm doing it well or not.

I am who Christ says I am. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

October 8: Deep Calls to Deep: When You Feel Like You're Drowning in Life

I have this irrational fear of running my van off the road into a lake with all my children inside.

Subconsciously, I hold my breath and my chest tightens, imagining how the scenario would unfold. The panic, the sheer terror as the water begins flooding in, the van sinking to the depths with all of us trapped inside, screaming.

Who would I unbuckle first? Who would I save if I didn't have time to grab everyone, and how would I choose? Would I even be able to get out of the car, or would we all be totally screwed?

Not that this doesn't happen to people, but this is probably an irrational fear for me as we live…inland. And not around any lakes that one could, without a lot of effort, drive a car into haphazardly.

That's how it goes with most fears, though, isn't it? It's so much bigger and badder in your mind then in real life. In fact, many of them wouldn't actually play out in real life…at all.

I find that a lot of the time, when I'm overwhelmed by life and the house and my children and my to-do list and crazy schedules, I feel like I'm trapped in that proverbial van of panic and fear. Gasping for breath, clawing at the door, desperately trying to think of a way out, wondering if anyone notices that I'm sinking.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. {Psalm 42:7}

I tend to get frozen in time. I sit there, staring out the window, watching the water splash up over the brim, then proceed to rise. Higher. And higher. And I'm sitting there, sinking.

I look around at the mess of a house we live in on a daily basis, and I wonder, where does one even start to get things cleaned up and organized? And then keep it that way?

How does one get up in the morning, on time, with the first chime of the alarm, when you are still sooo tired, every day? And how does one stumble over to the treadmill in that foggy state, without any coffee??

And how does one navigate the field of parenting and manage to avoid all the land mines littered across that expanse in the process? How do you not lose a leg to bullying, a hand to picky eating, ears to all the fighting, arguing, and back-talking, and a heart to struggles and pain of your children?

How do I balance yet another task, maybe even a good and fun one, without the whole house of cards crashing down around you? How do you hold it all up without the weight of it all crushing you? Pulling you down into the dark deep. Gasping for breath but inhaling only water…

Because ultimately, if you don't get out of that van, there will be certain death.

And I have wondered lately if all the fear and the panic and the being overwhelmed are pushing me towards a place I don't often want to go.

Certain death.

Not in the physical sense, but the spiritual. Death to self.

When I realize I'm sinking, maybe instead of clawing at the windows and desperately trying to figure a way out, I need to just…allow it. Feel all the feels and think all the panicky thoughts, but then bring it to the Lord. Because if anyone can dredge a sinking soul out of the murky deep, it's a God who can walk on water.

And He doesn't just rescue us from the depths of our sin, He promises to make all things new.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! {2 Corinthians 5:17}

But the old life has to die before the new is born. One has to lean into the pain and fear, allowing the van to sink instead of seeking another way or trying to get out. Only then can the Lord resurrect the new, dredge the transformed soul up from the depths.

I feel the Lord gently calling me into the deep, but it's a scary place to go. I know that there's new life on the other side, that there's redemption and purpose, but the process of surrender can be agonizing. Learning to lean into the Lord instead of trying to claw my way out or think of another way.

Father, give me the courage and discipline to just…sink. Where deep calls to deep.

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. {C.S. Lewis}

October 7

October 6

October 5

October 4

Girls day!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 3

October 2

October 1: Greater is the One Living Inside of Me

My soul feels tired. Tormented by schoolyard woes. Overwhelmed by the demands of life. Drowning in laundry and sight words. Fighting off sickness in my flesh. Sneezing out worry & coughing up fear. My throat is sore.

When I get anxious about the future, God says He's already there.

When I worry about my children, God says they're in His hands.

When I think that I'm a failure, God says He never condemns.

When I feel like I can't go on, God says the battle's already won.

When I feel sick and tired, God says He's in the business of healing.

When I wonder if I'll ever be enough, God says He's more then enough for me.

When life isn't going how I'd thought, God says it's under control.

When I can't seem to measure up, God says I'm precious to Him.

When I feel dirty from the grime of sin, God says he can wash me clean.

When I feel so lost, God says I can be found in Him.

His thoughts are higher then my thoughts and His ways higher then my ways. He is the Way. And the Truth. And the Life. 

Call to Me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own. 

Jeremiah 33:3

His words are powerful, moreso then any earthly, human thought, and they can set you free. They can give you life. Real life.

If you let them.

For greater is the One living inside of me then he who is living in the world.